Trump’s game is as 'predictable' as it is 'pathetic'

Politicos are quick to point out President Donald Trump’s unpredictability. But what if his randomness isn’t as erratic as believed?

“One of the most boring, aggrandizing cliches of our age is that Donald Trump is unpredictable. That, like Cato Fong – the chandelier-swinging martial arts manservant in the Pink Panther movies – Trump can ambush his unsuspecting opponents with a swift karate chop to the nether regions. A perpetual reflex test on the entire world,” said Ipaper writer Emily Maitlis. “But what if Trump is less Cato, more Clouseau? The fumbling French inspector who leaves a wake of chaos in every job he attempts? What if it’s not only possible to second-guess Trump, but to predict him before he actually knows he’s going to move?”

Observers are already beginning to notice that Trump’s most Earth-shaking moves erupt on Friday night or early Saturday, conveniently when the markets are closed for the weekend. Trump sent his military to nab Venezuela’s leader in the early hours of a Saturday. American bombs also plastered Iran on a February Saturday. Even the first time Trump whacked Iran from the comfort of his chair was June of last year — on a Sunday, to be precise, said Maitlis

“The pattern is the same. Threaten on Truth Social. Bomb at the weekend,” said Maitlis. “And try and de-escalate by the time the traders are back at their desks on Monday morning, after Trump’s panicked by the rising price of oil.”

Traders have noticed the trend outside of wargames, as well. Trump announced his infamous ‘Liberation Day’ tariffs shortly after markets closed, with the tariffs kicking in after midnight, on a Saturday in April.

“Just in time for (checks notes) Sunday,” Maitlin said.

But Trump is called “TACO Trump” for a reason, primarily because a market backlash can predictably spank him into reversal.

“The following week [after Liberation Day] was historically rough – markets slumped to their lowest level of the year before he backflipped and announced a 90-day pause in tariffs over 10 per cent,” said Maitlin. “The policy switch sent stocks rallying for their best single day since the financial crash. Trump claimed the credit, and anyone who’d studied Trump for more than half an hour could emerge with their pockets full. You no longer need to be a sage of the markets; you just have to understand when Trump’s getting rattled.”

“As predictable as it is often pathetic. If you want to guess the markets, and guess the world moves, you just have to read his pain,” Maitlin added.

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